My dearly beloved Hudson has passed. He was my heart dog, and the house feels so empty without him. The hole in my heart matches his huge 165 pound galoot of a body. I have had some great dogs in my time, but there is just something about a Great Dane. They are really more human than any dog I have ever had the pleasure of knowing; as any Dane steward will tell you. Have you ever seen a picture taken by a kayaker of a whale that is beautifully languishing at the surface, where it is just basking there right next to the person with it’s one eye gazing upon the strange surface dweller? And you look at the photo and into the eye, and there is just an obvious awareness and knowing, an innate wisdom of the greater sense of being? And staring into that eye, into the soul of a magnificent creature, there is a calmness there, a connection to all that is that transcends the pettiness of humanity. And, if you are like me, a clear message that we can do so much better. Hudson was like that, lying in his bed beside me he would look up at me and there was always this sense that this was no ordinary eye staring back at me.
It was a challenging number of months up to the end. I felt like I have been grieving for months now, even longer really because a couple of years ago he got sick and I thought he was goner, and even the vet did not give him much of a chance. I started grieving and preparing back then. In todays world, you would think that death was all too familiar, but to watch a 165 pound, vital and virile, magnificent brute of a beast slowly, unwillingly give up the material body while retaining his heart and spirit and verve for life, and wither away to 111 pounds is such a cruel thing to watch. It was hard to watch as the sudden decline caught us both off guard and he was confused by this new body he found himself in, no longer able to do what he once took for granted. It took us awhile to adjust to the new reality. He did bounce back to a point of stability, if only a shadow of his former self. He gave me a couple more poignant years in the face of the reapers dire warning of his eventual victory.
Now I hardly know how to feel. Am I sad? Yes? Do I miss him dearly? Of course.
I struggle, though, with a confusing sense of heartache. There is no right way to grieve, I suppose, but my heart has been stomped on so thoroughly that the final blow of death feels so odd and undramatic...
(What a beautiful tribute.)
#FB00918
