How to respond when someone says, "I'm not voting"

There are plenty of reasons why people don’t exercise their right to vote: apathy, voter suppression, registration issues. (Ages of respondents 23-36.)

The first time I was able to vote in a presidential election was in 2012. I remember eagerly watching Barack Obama and Mitt Romney battle it out on the tiny TV in my dorm room as I yelled at my roommates to come watch with me. They, of course, made the debate into a drinking game. But at least I got them to watch.

Their apathy didn’t really bother me at the time. As a journalism and political science major, I understood that very few of my friends were as interested in politics as I was. And I accepted that some of them would vote in the election, and others would choose not to. 

The 2016 election was similar. I heard from a lot of friends that they didn’t like either major party candidate, so they wouldn’t be going to the polls. Those friends of mine were in the majority. In the 2016 presidential election, more than half of Americans ages 18 to 29 didn’t vote. In total, only 60% of eligible voters cast a ballot (and that was record turnout).

There are a lot of reasons people don’t vote. Yes, apathy is one of them, but there are many other barriers. There are student voting restrictions, confusing registration rules, long lines at polling centers, voter purges. Some people simply can’t afford to take time off from work to vote. This year is no different. Except now, during a global pandemic, we also have to worry about our health and safety at the polls.

Despite the outpour of voting resources I’m sure you’ve seen on social media and beyond, you may still encounter friends, coworkers, or family members who say they won’t be voting. I want you to be armed with what I wasn’t: some words of wisdom about why it’s important to vote.
We asked a few of our readers and friends for their advice: What would you do if someone told you they’re not voting this year?

"Oftentimes nonvoters stay home because they feel that their concerns are ignored and unrepresented by the presidential candidates and the people around them; the last thing you would want to do is voter shame or further ignore their concerns. Having even one positive interpersonal experience can go a long way when discussing the election. And, more often than not, just taking the time to listen to someone else is enough to make them reconsider their positions. If you are reading this and if you have doubts about the efficacy of your vote, that is completely understandable. I humbly leave you with the suggestion that even if you believe that your ballot won’t directly improve your own life, it can positively affect the lives of hundreds of thousands of others.”
—Jerry, 27, Philadelphia, PA

“I’d listen. People have all sorts of reasons for not voting. Some reasons are more valid to me than others, but I think it’s important to understand why, so we can all work towards a democracy that people want to participate in; with equal access and representation. A democracy that makes people feel heard and makes them excited to vote.”
— Bryn, 31, Louisville, KY

“I think the conversation would go something like this: *blank stare* ‘Wait so….WHY? Actually, it doesn’t really matter what your reason is, if you don’t vote, we can’t be friends. In a world where we have so little control over our government/country/WORLD, how could you not do that one little thing that we CAN do? If you aren’t going to do it for you, then do it for someone else. Your parents, a sibling, a friend, YOUR DOG. Voting is so much more about the big picture than just the present and the candidates that we either love or hate. It’s about what kind of place you want this country to be in the future. This is about more than just the qualities of each candidate, it’s about moving closer to whatever your version of ideal is for this country.’”
— Michala, 23, New York, NY

“Vote because it’s a privilege to live in a democracy and a right that comes with being in one. Vote for the disenfranchised and marginalized, vote for empathy and justice, vote to better the status quo, vote to protect our democracy.”
— Joyce, 23, Los Angeles, CA

“I would first ask them why they are not voting to find out where their conflict is. There are a multitude of concerns that are valid when it comes to voting, ranging from individual issues like voter suppression tactics in their state that make voting torturously difficult, to system-level issues like how casting a ballot keeps our colonialist government in power over land that belongs to Indigenous peoples. I would want to hear my friend’s thoughts about these topics so I could support and grow with them. Once I discussed these issues, I would talk to them about how we can vote AND what actions we can do together beyond the election to fix those concerns. Voting is only one tool for working towards the future we want.”
— Shoshana, 31, Philadelphia, PA

“I would say, ‘I’m extremely disappointed in your decision to abstain from the 2020 election. Clearly you don’t care what’s at stake regardless of recent events regarding race, health, and the stability of this democracy. You have not done the work to understand the privilege that protects you from the current administration. Your decision was character defining, so I’d like to reevaluate our friendship.’”
— Anonymous, 25, Louisville, Kentucky

“If a friend or coworker told me that they were not going to vote in the election, I would ask them why. Ultimately, I would try to convince them to vote. However, the key to the conversation is understanding their motivation to not vote. Is it because they are worried about getting sick at the polls? Let’s discuss safety measures. Is it because they don’t understand how to fill out an absentee ballot? Let me show you how. Is it because they don’t think their vote counts? Then let’s talk about how much it does and how important it is to exercise this right that many in the world don’t have, and that so many in our country fought and died to obtain for every American citizen. Politics aside, whatever the reason you don’t want to vote, let’s have a discussion about it, because we should not take this right for granted. Every voice has a right to be heard; that is what our country was founded on.”
— Angela, 36, Columbus, OH

Harvard Business Review, October 2020

Frog Blog Reader: How would you respond to someone who has decided not to vote?

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